๐ถ๏ธ Why I'm A Better Boyfriend
Hello there, pretty girl ๐ฅด๐๐ฆ Where ya headin'? ๐ Oh, to the club ๐ with your โจboyfriendโจ? ๐ You should dump him ๐ฎ ahora mismo โฑ๏ธ I bet he’s a walking red flag ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฌ and that you’re giving him way too many chances because you’re too nice ๐ so now I’m going to list some reasons why you should choose me๐ค over that douchebag ๐๏ธ whose weenie is prolly this big ๐ค and inversely proportional to his ego ๐ I can recommend him my signature dick extenders ๐ to quote my friend it’s like a hat for your dick ๐ฉ
1. I'm An Intellectual ๐
Yea I got that ๐ฟ Ivy League bachelor's degree in computer science ๐ฉโ๐ป with former โจhead teaching assistantโจ experience ๐ฉโ๐ซ and recently graduated with a teaching award ๐ no matter how much I shitpost about my assignments ๐ on Instagram ๐ธ the WORK ๐ GETS ๐ DONE ๐ BABY ๐ถ rest assured my professors can vouch for my intelligence ๐ฏ #womenintech #girlboss ๐ not to mention I went to the same high school as Audre Lorde ๐ซ #lowkeyflex ๐ช surely I can write AND code โ๏ธ I'm not like the rest of the tech bros ๐ค so won't you pretty plz give me a chance? ๐ฅบ2. I'm Employed ๐ณ
I am soon-to-be corporate slave ๐ป who will bring you to the deluxe office with an unlimited gelato station ๐จ and bar ๐ฅ and free swag you'll need an IKEA bag to carry ๐๏ธ I will let you swipe my card like ่ฑๅฟไน้'s ๆดๅทๅท๐ธ ไฝฟๅฒ็ๅท๐ค๐๐๐งฝ I work hard AND deliver results baby ๐ #amazonleadershipprinciples #stonks #dogecoin3. I'm Attractive ๐ฅ
Yes pretty privilege is a thing because I have the privilege to make you, m'lady, fall for me ๐ with my alluring gaze ๐๏ธ๐๐๏ธ and flirtatious smile ๐ ๐ฆ your babies will be the hottest generation alive ๐ even if we get into an argument ๐ฅ at least you can argue ๐คฌ while staring at a sexy face ๐ฉโ๐ฆณ perhaps we can do a lil smth afterwards to make up for it ๐ฅต๐ฅด๐ต๐๐ฉโโค๏ธโ๐ฉ only if u want to ๐๐4. I Know The Best Date Spots In The City ๐
As a native New Yorker I know all of the tourist scams ๐ โโ๏ธ and where the real spots are at ๐ท none of that Joe's Shanghai shit ๐ฅ or creepy Times Square Elmos snatching your hard-earned bucks ๐ต sure the Met's great but kinda basic after a while ๐๏ธ tbh there are many museums I haven't gone to either... let's experience them together? ๐ trust me my Yelp collections are ready for all your cuisine cravings ๐ฑ๐๐ค5. ๆจ็homegirlๅฏไปฅ่ฎฒไธญๆ ๐จ๐ณ
ๆฏ็ๆฒก้ ๐ homegirlๅฏไปฅๅๅพฎไฟก็ญไฟก่ๅคฉ ๐ฌ ๅฐๆถๅ่ฟ็ฉ่ฟๆฉๅฐๅบๅญๅๅฅฅๆฏๅฒ ๐ฟ๏ธ ่ฅฟ็ญ็่ฏญไนๅฏไปฅๅฆ ๐ฃ๏ธ oui oui ๐ฅ ๅฏนไฝ ็ฑ็ฑ็ฑไธๅฎ๐๐๐ซ ่ทๆ่ๅคฉๅไธคไธชไธ็ๆฏๅ ๐ ่ฎฉๆไปฌไธ่ตทๆฅๆๅไธไธๅข ๐ ่ฆไธๅฑ้ฃๅฐไธญๅฝๅฆไฝ โ๏ธ ๆ้ฝๅจๅไบฌๅ่ฟ่ๅญไธฒ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ ๅฅ้ฝไธๆ ๐คธโโ๏ธ ๅช้ฝๅปๅพไบ ๐ช6. I Will Not Overstep Boundaries โ
I will not ask you to text me 24/7 ๐ nor share your location with me ๐ nor will I snatch your phone ๐ฑ and block all of your guy friends on Snapchat ๐ซ If you don't text me back within a day I will probably think about it ๐ญ but I only ask that you communicate โ about your insecuritiesโข๏ธ though I understand it can be hard ๐ but I will always <3 u no matter what ๐ค as long as you are honest to me ๐ which is a trait that is surprisingly hard to find nowadays... ๐คจ๐คฅ๐คก7. I Can Dye Your Hair ๐
With over five 5๏ธโฃ years of experience dyeing my own hair ๐โโ๏ธ I can turn you ๐ด into a magical unicorn within days ๐ฆ bleaching ๐งด conditioning ๐ฟ blowdrying ๐จ I've got it all covered ๐ we could do any fking color u want bby ๐คฉ we could even do the entire spectrum of the rainbow if u want ๐ say no more ๐บ8. I Have A Hypoallergenic Miniature Poodle ๐ฉ
He is a real-life teddy bear ๐งธ and can understand Chinese and English commands ๐จ๐ณ๐บ๐ธ he can provide emotional support when I'm not home ๐โ๐ฆบ but keep in mind he does get jealous very easily ๐ถ who knows maybe you'll be jealous of him ๐ณIn all honesty, these are sort of generic qualities that can really be fulfilled by anyone if they tried hard enough. But I’m confident in myself ๐ which makes me harder to catch ๐ค cos I know I’m a catch ๐ and I hope you are not reading into this post too seriously because it is highkey cringe ๐ฌ but at least I know I am being ironic ๐คญ for the purposes of making you laugh ๐ค cuz ur smile is the prettiest thing I’ve seen all day ๐ now that was smooth wasn’t it ๐๐งผ careful not to slip on my slick words but even if you fall I’ll catch you ๐งบ bet your boyfriend can’t do that cause he’s too busy watching hentai on your work laptop ๐๐คง๐ soo… text me when ur free? xoxo ๐