🖌️ Word (Pain)ting

past, present, and future, sometimes still
struggling to breathe underneath the surface, but ha!
jokes on you
i no longer need your breath to breathe

i’ll pop out of the past and
splatter the walls of your cerebrum with
dripping psychedelic ink

drawing the words
you used to cut into me
into your cerebral cortex
it’s vivid, isn’t it

my insecurities were buds of
my individuality in disguise
my self-worth, repeatedly shattered, was
a mitotic surprise

the sheets of gold
that served as your entryway to “success”
turned out to be pyrite after all

the phone you snatched away from my fingers
the friends that once belonged to me
rendered blocked in a database, somewhere
probably via lazy deletion

but nobody will know
no one will ever know
because you’ll hide behind a pretense of perfection
nobody but me

you’ll keep scribbling over my cries for help in your cave
you’ll explore new rainbows without waiting for the rain
wanting to be the first to see what’s at the end

but the truth is
you were never one made for art
greed, satisfaction, desire, lust
never cleansed your heart
now it’s caked with rust

you thought you could erase the colors from my world
strip my vocal cords
become a voiceless doll for pleasure
though i didn’t, don’t, never will belong to you

you thought you could get away with not giving
credit where it’s due
yearn for something you never got
keep yearning forever

the most important lesson i learned
was kindness and
forgiveness
but you were never one to give
you, i won’t forgive

indulge
in this cyclic pattern that won’t change
scatter your seed
on this dirt that you’ll eat

i will climb to the top step-by-step
wounded, wilted, whatever
to see the most beautiful rainbow
you will never get to see