šµ YOASOBI - Yoru Ni Kakeru x Ted Chiang's Division By Zero
This past fall semester, I had the privilege of taking Prof. Denise Cruz’s Asian American Literature class (which you should totally enroll in if you are looking for Columbia courses to take next fall). It ended up being one of the best classes I’ve ever taken at Columbia, both professor-wise and curriculum-wise. And I’m saying that as a CS major (although I did go to a humanities-oriented high school, so perhaps I’m slightly biased).
One of our readings was Ted Chiang’s Division By Zero. Chiang stood out to me because I felt that I could trace some points of commonality between us. He used to write tech manuals at Microsoft before dipping tech to pursue writing in the long-term. Now I’m not foreshadowing anything about my future just yet, but I enjoy writing and it felt nice to see an author publishing short stories despite being in the tech field on the syllabus.
Anyway, for our final assignment, we had the option of doing a creative project instead of a traditional paper. Obviously, if anything involves the word “creative,” I’m going to pick that option. So I decided I would rewrite the lyrics to YOASOBI’s Yoru Ni Kakeru (Into The Night) through the lens of Ted Chiang’s Division By Zero.
I think it turned out pretty well, and I’d like to share my recording of it here. Before listening to it, please read the short story here or read my plot summary below.
TLDR; Plot Summary and Literary Analysis [TW: depression, suicide]
Basically, there's this mathematician girl named Renee, and one day she proves that 1=2. Unable to find any flaws in her logic, she becomes distressed at the thought of losing her purpose as a mathematician and attempts to take her own life. Carl, Renee's husband who prides himself in his compassion and empathetic character, is fixated on ātrying to decipherā Renee through expressions that ānormally revealed nothingā (77). He believes that her feelings could be understood through mere observation. Eventually, though, he realizes that he will never be able to understand what's going on inside of Renee's mind, and that he can't save their six-year-long marriage after all.āHe opened his mouth to say that he knew exactly what she meantā¦ But he stopped himself: for this was an empathy that separated rather than united them, and he couldnāt tell her thatā (89).
The main idea that Chiang is trying to convey is that our society is so fixated on understanding people and pursuing knowledge over the unknown, to the point where empathy has become conflated with relatability. We aren’t comfortable with ambiguity. We want answers to everything. We think that everyone can be understood at some point if we try hard enough.
"How do you feel?""I understand your feelings."
"No, you don't."
Carl and Renee’s marriage falls apart partly due to this rigid definition of empathy that we as a society adhere to. The whole story then begs the question, how do we empathize with someone who we can’t relate to?
Division By Zero is a work of science fiction. Not a story that you’d typically expect when you hear someone say “Sci-Fi,” but it makes sense if you think about it.
Foreword
I'm not sure how I feel about my voice in this one. I keep replaying the recording, and I know Into The Night is a difficult song to sing in the first place, but I can't ignore the jarring peaks and the "I'm desperately trying to cling onto the pitch while saving my breath" moments every time I listen to myself. It makes me cringe yet doesn't bother me at the same time. In the end, I pulled myself out of the pit of questioning whether I should edit the vocals and submitted the assignment with my natural voice. If I posted it on Instagram, I would probably never listen to it again out of first-hand embarrassment. I kind of already do that with my reels though, lol. Anyway, the point is that I'm glad I have this alternate platform to share it on.Keep in mind that in the rewritten lyrics, I alternate between the voices of Renee and Carl. I’ve labeled each section with the character that the verse corresponds to. Listen with headphones, and read the lyrics while listening to make out what I’m saying!
BTW, I didn’t know HTML had an audio tag. This is so wonderful! The more you know.
YOASOBIās Into The Night x Ted Chiangās āDivision By Zeroā
lyrics rewritten by Annie Sui[Carl & Renee]
See my smile, peer into my eyes, remember this release
You and me, thoughts aligned yet separated by this empathy
[Carl]
Ever since that night I met you
I tried to read your face in order to understand you
Fixated on who you are, I decipher
Your expressionless gaze
With the sound of crumpled papers near you
Seeking paths leading me to you
Rekindle our bond made possible through academia
So fragile is our love, but I believe that our marriage can be saved
In this world where certainty is embraced
[Renee]
Iām lost in thinking this-and-that
Succumbing to the symbols on the page
Desperately trying to cling onto the hope that my flawless logic wonāt prevail
Not sure whatās happening
Losing my mind over something that other
people deem to be so fundamental
[Carl]
So now Iām trying all the ways I can think of to reach you
Maybe then we could enjoy even more shiny tomorrows
Superseding beliefs that you had held within your grasp
While the bright days between us get overcast
[Renee]
āIf mathematical thinking is defective, where are we to find truth?ā
Will this suicide attempt brand me for the rest of my life?
Even so, it seems better than returning to the
universe thatās been destroyed by my proof
[Carl]
Times like these, then, I could conquer
But now Iām up against something Iāve never encountered
The remnants of my empathy, compassion
Are nullified and void
Hate to say it, but Iām
A hypocrite
Sheāll deny it, she will resist
But I gotta hold tight, believe weāll keep on
Trying our best to preserve this happiness that has little chance to last
Abandoning theorems, exploring unknowns, embracing division
Only then can we unite, a day that has yet to come
No longer bound to the comfort of our marriage
Six years later, I find myself falling out of our love
Yes, Renee, I hate me for it
[Renee]
No longer tied to the comfort of our marriage
Never dared to confront the emotions I felt inside
Back lost in thinking this-and-that
A child spellbound by those perfect squares
That epiphany I had was actually the start of my own downfall
I want this to be fake but Iāve lost touch
With what used to be reality
And for once, I can understand what you felt back then
So letās admit it, this thing we call love isnāt working out
My true feelings will never find a way to get through to you
So letās take what we have and yield to this cold harsh truth
That empathy is not what we made of it at all
Forget the ways you have thought of to reach my inner feelings
And abandon the idea of those shiny tomorrows
See that Iām not the one I used to be in your eyes
Heading towards our own downfall in disguise
Wish we could overcome every blunder, every hindrance of our past
In pursuit of happiness that people always say will last
Through the sheets of mistakes, accept the contradictions that we make
I know that weāll make it through
Tonight, I will express my gratitude for you
You and me, feelings that canāt be conveyed will get through
If you made it this far, thanks for listening š If you have time, please check out YOASOBI’s original song and Ikura’s performance of it on The First Take! This song is truly a gift to the world.
š im self consCIOUS of mY VOiceee š¤ but i want the world to hear me sing āļø channel ur inner philosophy